Words lost in the void

I always believed that everything happens for a reason, even meeting people who would hurt us, leave us or show us that our trust was in the wrong person.

Those words are not said to justify their actions but rather to teach us how to be strong after, to teach us that we only get left because it was not meant to be because the right person will come and show us why it never worked with anyone else. to teach us how to forgive those who hurt us, but not for them but for us, to have the strength to get up from our harsh fall and relearn to walk away. 

It is known that actions speak louder than words because words can be lost in the void. Those sweet, beautiful, trustful words we wait to hear… those that sometimes release our hearts and souls from pain… even if it was for a few minutes, those words which teach you how to fall in love… can be lost in the void. The truth is… that actions are the ones creating the void that those words might or might not fade into. 

I think we realize after some time that we get hurt the most from the people we never expect them to hurt us, the ones with those beautiful promises, the ones who stayed with us when we had none to stay, the ones who we think are truly different from anyone we have ever met, the ones we let them in… whether our family, our friends or the person we love the most.

The more you feel pain, The harder it gets to trust again and to let someone in again. I truly understand how hard it is, that fear we have when someone seems like everything you ever dreamed of, that fear that tells us that maybe our thoughts are creating an illusion for us and that we might be wrong.

I just want to tell you that I truly understand how hard it is… to take a risk, to take a risk that might lead you to be the happiest or the unhappiest, but I also know that If you never take a risk, you will never know… because sometimes taking the risk can be worth it… worth all the pain, heartbreaking and scars that was once all you ever knew.

I hope you will always have the power to take a risk before it is too late, to love so hard when you have been loved so little, to trust when your trust has been broken, to have the courage to feel happy despite the fear of losing this happiness. But most of all, I hope you never have to look for the words lost in the void of their actions…4bffa7a1a50805a7bc33f83d6adad60d--morning-photography-blur-photography

 

 

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The unhappiest happiness

It so often mistaken that every smile is a sign of happiness, that every laugh is a sign of joy and that every moment spend in silence is a sign of peace.

We so often hear of the people who accomplished so much in their lives, those people looking so beautiful, those people who laugh the loudest as if happiness is all gathered only in their soul, those people who made a big difference in this world, who saved lives, who are always there for anyone in need, who give so much hope… to others, the kind that makes you wonder that they are the source of light it self.

but, we seem to always forget that only the broken pieces of glass shine the brightest. That this girl who laughs the brightest, is the same girl who cries her self to sleep each night. That this person who has the kindest heart, who heals the broken hearts and the painful wounds with his words, is the same person who wears long sleeves to hide the scars on his body, those scars that only reflects how damaged he is on the inside that it all spilled on every and each wound of his. That this girl who seems to have the happiest life and accomplished so much in her life, is the same girl who stands in front of the mirror each time hating every single detail she sees , with tears streaming down her face she would say: “please… don’t give up now… keep going… just one more day” every and each day. That this person who gives a hand to each person who is down, who tells people to be strong, who seems to have the perfect words to say to every and each one who tries to commit suicide, is the same person who tried to commit suicide more times than you can ever count, whose thoughts drain every bit of life he has each second. That the girl who gives so much love from all of her heart that you feel that love fills every piece of her is the same girl who was left behind by her own father, is the same girl who never had a big family, the same girl who felt she was never loved,, the same girl who is afraid of love, the same girl who was so scared to sleep at night hearing the violent fights and arguments all night, the same girl who dreams with a nightmare each night, the same girl who still until today doesn’t feel safe. That the person who is always there for every one, who have lots of people around, is the same person who finds no one at night, when depression is eating him alive, when anxiety attacks breaks every dream he has, when fear paralyzes him, the same person who feels the most lonely.  That the same girl who looks so beautiful, fit and healthy is the same girl who starves her self each night, the same girl who has an eating disorder, the same girl who hates her own reflection when she looks at her worst enemy… the mirror… 

Yet, we always seem to forget that the broken pieces of glass are the ones that shine the brightest… 

For whoever reading this, I am not going to tell you all those positive quotes about if it is not okay, then it is not the end. Or, the common phrase that every thing will be okay.

Rather; I will tell you that you are not alone in every and each emotion you are feeling now, That I know it does not sound like those dark thoughts which slips to your mind slowly and all at once… each night does not seem that they will fade away and that it is okay to feel that depression is breaking everything about you, the same you… that you no longer recognize in this same moment.

But, what I will say is that I will stay with you tell the end or at least… I will stay until all my broken pieces of glass turn to dust…  until all my broken pieces will no longer be able to shine…

Whispers of a broken soul

I always thought since I was a little girl that only the heart can get broken, only the mind can overthink and only the eyes can express this pain with tears or simply with a look which can express pain more than a million tear.

yet, nobody ever mentioned the soul; this invisible, untouched and pure soul which is the reason why we are alive. It is said that the eyes are the mirror of the soul, through eyes, you could see happiness, joy, love, sadness, pain, hurt and most of all the reflection of ourselves. but, even with all of those emotions and feelings… it is rarely mentioned. 

only when I grew up that I knew that the soul can get hurt, that we feel a sudden pain inside of us because our soul held on for so long. Through every breakdown, it was there whispering to us not to give up, not to give up on ourselves and most importantly not to let go of her. through every and each heartbreak, it was there whispering to us not to cry over who left us behind, that everything happens for a reason and that one day you will meet the person who your soul will complete his so you would know why it never worked with anybody else. Through every anxiety attack, it was there begging you not to worry, not to over think and not to end it all by killing her. through it all, our soul was always there with us but we are the ones who couldn’t hear it whispers.

but for whoever reading this, For everyone now with a broken soul, For everyone crying on the floor, For everyone who is feeling alone, For everyone whose thoughts are dimming the light of their soul every night, For everyone whose depression became the lasting unwanted friend and for everyone who was left behind. I understand, I truly do and it is okay, it is okay to feel like you can not keep going anymore, it’s okay to feel like breathing is the hardest to do, it is okay to fall apart and it is okay to let your soul break to pieces and let it all out.

The same whispers will call louder, the same whispers will pull your hand to get up, the same whispers will teach you how to collect every and each piece differently to make it stronger, more beautiful and… unbreakableI believe that you will always have the strength to love and accept every broken piece of you because your soul is worth it, you are worth it.

Scattered words, perfect harmony.

This life is perfect with all its imperfections I believe; It is tough, hard but worthy of it all if you looked back on your life and the person you used to be, You will realize how much this life changed you to the person you are today even if you are not where you want to be in your life at the moment or feeling like everything became so dark and your heart is barely holding on.. waiting eagerly for anything to happen or change to feel happy again.

I know how depression feels, that silent feeling making its way through your mind, thoughts, and feelings. taking away all motivation you have to accomplish your goals, making the smallest tasks sounds so heavy as if the thought of moving itself was hard already, how everything around us feels so pointless, colorless and most of all feeling guilty for not doing anything and weak because you are unable to fight it at the moment. 

I just want you to feel each word I will say now carefully; It is okay not to be okay, you are not alone and believe me when I tell you that you do make a difference whoever you are. You deserve love, kindness and to be taken care of no matter what.

This silent feeling that was once your long lasting undesired best friend will fade away slowly, the struggles you faced will leave you stronger than you ever imagined, those little tasks you couldn’t do will be your reminder that you have come so far in your life and all of this will teach you how to be kind cause you know how it feels to be treated with unkindness and how it hurts, it will teach you how to love with all your heart cause you know how it feels to be loved so small, how to  give your best and do your best effort cause you wish someone would have done the same for you and because you realize that the person you are talking with might be in your shoes but simply hiding it under their big happy smile to show nothing to noone so they wouldn’t feel as they were a burden or to be seen differently.

How do I know all of that? cause that person is meWhoever you are, whereever you are and whatever you have done; You are not alone and all of that does not define who you are. I hope I am able to make a difference in your life if you are reading this even it was a small one as I hope my imperfect words has made a perfect harmony in both your mind and heart.

Midnight thoughts

We were often told when we were young to not fear darkness, that light can make all the monsters hiding in the dark disappear and that we have to be strong and to believe that it can not hurt us. But no one ever told us how to turn on the light inside of us, how to make all the bad feelings and sadness disappear and how to be strong when we are hurting inside.

I always had this belief that every and each one of us in this world is unique, we are all special in our own kind of way because God created us all different in every and each way. We simply have something different which defines who we are. Even in pain, we all feel it in a different way and mostly for different reasons but still, that did not answer the question.

The truth is the only one who can answer it is ourselves although that answer might take a lot of time but eventually, it will be worth it. For me, I feared so many things; my nightmares, sleeping because I never knew what the next day might bring considering that my childhood was a bit tough, falling in love so I wouldn’t get hurt, failing in my life and most importantly fearing myself because I knew that I only have the power to change who I am and therefore the biggest obstacle I will face is me.

now that I grew up, I realized that the only light we need is one lightens up inside of us when everything seems that it will never get better, that we feel sadness and even get depressed only to realize the power we have inside of us, that it only hit us so hard to find our strength and to get up harder and to appreciate those moments of happiness and joy that comes in our life in a very unexpected way. It is a long journey but what makes us keep on going sometimes is that little small voice inside of us saying to keep on going, begging us to keep holding on because there is something worth moving on for in that journey. 

For whoever reading this, I hope you realize that in this life there are lots of ups and downs, I hope you realize that you have so much strength inside of you to always get back up, that it will get harder before it gets easier but it will get better and that only you have the power to make your journey the best it could be but never forget that everything in this life happens for a reason even if you did not know it now, you will know it at the right time.midnight